Author: Stance Studies on the Family

The LDS View on Gay Marriage

The LDS View on Gay Marriage

Stance for the Family stands with the LDS Church in its defense of marriage: “As a church, our doctrinal position is clear: any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, and we define marriage as between a man and a woman. However, that should never, 

Becoming More Resilient

Becoming More Resilient

by Rachel Nielsen “Raising Resilient Children” was written by Lyle J. Burrup and published in the March 2013 issue of the Ensign. A few years ago I had the chance to hike in the mountains for three days with fifteen teenage girls. I learned a 

Sweet Twindipity: Thoughts on Being a Twin

Sweet Twindipity: Thoughts on Being a Twin

by Aimee Hancock

“It’s double the giggles and double the grins, and double the trouble if you’re blessed [to be a] twin.”  

—Author Unknown

twin babies

“Wait, there are two of you?”

I’ve heard this so often, it should be included on my headstone. My sister and I are fraternal twins, two separate eggs that happened to be fertilized at the same time, and we look quite a bit alike. Our closest friends can tell us apart from behind even when our hair is done exactly the same or separate the two of us just from our voices on the phone. Those who don’t know us as well struggle to tell us apart. But if they think it’s hard to tell us apart now, they should see our baby pictures—even I can’t tell who’s who without my mom’s help!

While growing up, I was used to people knowing that I was a twin. There were no strange looks or double-takes from people because they knew we were twins, even if they couldn’t always tell us apart. Amber and I took advantage of this and played jokes on people. In third grade, we switched seats and no one ever knew until a few years later when we finally confessed.

Attending college has been a different experience for Amber and me because most people on campus don’t know that we are twins, whether they see us separate or together. I have had entire conversations with people who (as I found out later) thought I was Amber. We also meet people who see us, blink a few times, and suspiciously ask, “Are you two twins?” Continuing our love of playing jokes on people, we have been successful in convincing a few people that we are simply cousins or just barely met and have absolutely no relation at all.

In addition to being an easy way to pull pranks on people, there are many other perks to being a twin. Amber and I have been best friends for more than twenty years, and we share a special bond. We have many of the same interests, which makes it easy to find activities to do together that we both enjoy, such as playing sports or watching movies. We also think along the same wavelength most of the time, which makes it a bit like having an extension of me. It’s nice to always have someone to talk to and to share adventures with.

college twins

 Before freshman year, the longest we had ever been apart was three days. Now, we live together and our roommates find it amusing to watch us interact because we don’t have to say much. We are always laughing with each other and communicating simply through looks (maybe even twin telepathy) and movie quotes, which looks crazy and sounds like gibberish to anyone observing us.

However, not everything about being a twin works out that well. Sometimes people treat us as a single person. When we were younger and people would call on the phone and ask if the twins were there, my mom would ask which one they wanted to talk to. They would then reply that it didn’t matter. In junior high, many people just called us both “twin.” This hurt because they saw us as one person and failed to differentiate between the two of us.

Having a twin makes it hard to be yourself, especially if you are around people who don’t know who you are. I believe that identity is important; I want to be my own person. And I have had to learn how to be my own person and to not worry so much if others don’t know which twin I am.

Even with so many people in the world, there are no two people who are exactly the same. I know what it’s like to be looked over or to have my identity clumped with someone else’s, so I make an extra effort to try to see people for who they are as individuals. Each person has individual worth and is unique, even if he or she looks like or has mannerisms that are similar to someone else’s.

Being a twin has its ups and downs, but the ups definitely outweigh the downs. It can be frustrating to be called by the wrong name on an almost daily basis (sometimes even by my own grandmother), and to have to endure the scrutinizing looks from those trying to find the difference between my sister and me. But, I wouldn’t trade anything for being a twin. I know who I am, and that’s enough for me.

I may be a twin, but I’m one of a kind.

Walking Apples

Walking Apples

by Jenna Hoffman   Walking apples are quick, easy, and healthy(ish)! And they are perfect for enjoying on the go. What more can you ask for? I’ve been eating them since I was a child, and no matter who I share them with, they never fail 

Finding Balance in a Busy World

Finding Balance in a Busy World

by Brittany Bruner As a young, female student near graduation, I have taken great interest in reading some of the news pieces circulating by women in positions of power about balancing family life with work. This started with my exposure to “Why Women Still Can’t 

My Big Reveal: Same Sex Attraction as a Latter-day Saint

My Big Reveal: Same Sex Attraction as a Latter-day Saint

Spencer is a BYU student and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Visit his blog, “For a Wise Purpose.”

Copy . . . Paste . . . Post . . . Thus began the scariest day of my life. I had written the blog post earlier that week and had two friends proofread it to make sure everything came across as I meant it. The moment it had posted, I shared a link to the post on Facebook. No sooner had I clicked “post” than I was out the door. I had to work. Hopefully that would take my mind off of the anxiety of what I had done. The whole time, I was doing my best to trust the Spirit that what I was doing was right. You might be wondering what was so scary. After about two months of seeking personal revelation, I had revealed my biggest secret: I experience same-sex attraction.

My journey to that point started two and a half years ago. I was in my second transfer as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Canada Toronto West Mission. One night, as my trainer and I were falling asleep, we got talking and as the conversation was guided by the Spirit, I told my trainer about my same-sex attraction. I had never done that before. No one knew. This secret that I had held inside for years and years was now known by another person. Fast forward two years: I had told a handful of friends and my parents in the time since telling my trainer. One day I was reading Voice(s) of Hope, a book filled with stories of those whose lives have been affected by same-sex attraction. Not even a page into the book, I felt the Spirit whisper to me, “Your secret will not be a secret for much longer.” As I pondered that thought and read and sought revelation over the two months that followed, it brought me to the point where I began blogging about my sexuality.

Same-sex attraction is a hot-topic issue in the culture of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The LDS church is making strides to help teach people about the issue, or more importantly, how to treat it. Recently, the LDS church came out with a new website focused on homosexuality. I was impressed that very little of the website had to do with the doctrine or the causes. Instead, it focused on loving all of those around us, regardless of what they experience or what they do in their lives.

That being said, I do have my opinions on the matter. I agree with the leaders of the LDS church that the standards of chastity haven’t changed; sexual activity outside of marriage between man and woman is still sin. However, the attraction itself is not a sin. As such, I have chosen to live a life in accordance with the gospel. It’s difficult at times and I’m sure it’d be easier in some ways to not stay in the church. A life as a gay man would prevent me from achieving my goals: I want to get married in the temple, I want a family that I will create with my wife, and I want to be part of the Lord’s kingdom. I have a hope that I can reach those goals.

For those who struggle with same-sex attraction like me, you are not alone. One of the hardest parts of the journey is when you believe that you’re the only one. There are hundreds of us striving to remain faithful to our covenants and to stay active in the church. Your same-sex attraction may never go away completely in this life, but that’s okay. Your sexual orientation is not a prerequisite for the Lord’s love. He loves you regardless of who you are. In addition, the fact that you feel the way you do toward those of your same sex does not mean anything about who you are. I have known many men and women who believed there was something evil about them because of their same-sex attraction. Your attractions are not a sin.

My advice for those who do not struggle with same-sex attraction is to love. Above all else, love all those around you and be sensitive to their needs. There are so many people struggling with this that you would not expect. The biggest mistake we make is when we say something that makes someone feel that they are not welcome among the members of the LDS church because of how they feel. If they do not feel loved and wanted among us, they will seek that love elsewhere. This applies to those silently struggling to live the gospel as well as those who have chosen another path: love them. They are our brothers and sisters and they deserve our love, regardless of their decisions.

Learn more about same-sex attraction:

http://mormonsandgays.org (official church website)

http://northstarlds.org

http://ldsvoicesofhope.org (set to be released in late March)

Breadsticks

Breadsticks

by Lauren Atkinson Recipe by Sterling Gray in the Mecham Family Recipe Book. If the thought of using real live yeast makes you cringe, overwhelms your meager baking abilities, or fills you with apathy, you’re not alone. And you’re not out of luck! I recently 

Chocolate Cake

Chocolate Cake

Fife’s Fabulous Fantasy Chocolate Cake by Alissa Holm Today, I am opening up the vault of my favorite recipes and sharing my absolute favorite dessert recipe. When I had this chocolate cake for the first time, I didn’t know it was possible to make a 

Why Reading Matters

Why Reading Matters

by Brittany Bruner

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Photo Credit: dhammza via Compfight cc

Reading has always been an important activity in my home. My family and I read together every Sunday, and before I could read, my parents read me a bedtime story every night. My grandparents gave each grandchild a new book every Christmas, and every summer, my mother dropped me off at the library (because I spent way too long looking for books), and I would come home with a stash of reading material. For my family and me, reading is a way of life.

As I grew older, I was shocked by how many people do not value reading. I have encountered several individuals who have never read a book and some who do not know where the local library is. Additionally, I have heard several people say that reading is a waste of time and they would choose anything over reading a book.

This is startling to me for a number of reasons. Rather than discussing all of these reasons, I would like to focus on two reasons I believe reading is important: (1) reading teaches you to think critically, and (2) reading increases feelings of humanity.

Reading Teaches Critical Thinking

Photo Credit: Dennis' Photography via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Dennis’ Photography via Compfight cc

In an increasingly technological world, many people actively pursue and encourage others to pursue mathematical education. This idea is starting at even earlier ages with the promotion of the STEM education program that focuses on science, technology, engineering, and mathematics, which is being implemented in elementary schools. STEM is a great program because it enhances technological fields. Children are taught to think critically about math and science and to solve equations and problems. Many value this type of critical thinking over literary critical thinking because it provides answers and solutions. But critical thinking in reading can be just as helpful as critical thinking in math and science.

Critical thinking in reading is different from critical thinking in math and science because it focuses more on the human aspect of knowledge. When you critically read, you identify what the author is saying and analyze its significance for society. We then, through this literary analysis, construct narratives about society. It is important to construct these narratives with compassion for other humans. In science, we also construct narratives about human nature. If compassionate feelings of humanity are removed from this, it can produce terrible results. For example, in an English class taught by Brigham Young University professor Kristin Matthews, Professor Matthews discussed the use of scientific data as a form of narrative. We perceive data as a constructed narrative. For example, scientific discoveries in the past have been used to construct narratives that people with darker skin are inferior or that people’s intelligences are affected by how thick their skulls are. The raw scientific and technological data used to support these claims created a narrative and a set of beliefs. Thus, the data is interpreted the same way information is interpreted while reading. The fundamental difference in the two is that reading emphasizes human virtues and aids in understanding other individuals while scientific narratives make claims based solely on facts. When data is interpreted, biases can get in the way of the construction of narrative and allow terrible ideas like the two mentioned before to become “scientifically proven” prejudices. Reading literature aims to eliminate these biases by presenting lots of different points of view.

Reading Increases Positive Feelings toward Humanity

Photo Credit: Ozyman via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Ozyman via Compfight cc

Another main concern I have about our increasingly technological world is that everything is reduced to numbers, including people. For example, when preparing for job interviews, students are told to quantify their experiences. How much did you increase sales? How many people did you bring to the company? By what percentage did you increase productivity? These are common questions that candidates are told to consider as they write cover letters and prepare for job interviews. Their success is determined by how well they can quantify themselves, But, it is quite difficult to quantify experiences that increased humanity or developed positive feelings toward other individuals.

On a broader scope, in a capitalist society we are concerned with the increase of sales and how much money we are making. Some may brush off this concern, but history shows that a world influenced solely by numbers and without books is a terrible world. Reducing people to numbers removes their humanity. This was shown by the numbering system in concentration and death camps during the Holocaust. This was the lowest form of reducing people to numbers, and it brought about horrific results.

When I visited the Imperial War Museum in London, in the Holocaust exhibit I read a quote by Henrich Heine that states, “Where one burns books, one will, in the end, burn people.” While there was literal book burning during the Nazi reign, this quote implies a lot more about the human race. In my postmodernism English class, we discuss the concept of the Other, or one who is outside your group (which can essentially mean everyone), and we discuss the importance of understanding the Other. Books emphasize learning about Others because they portray many different life experiences. When we read, we can draw a mirage of experiences from many different characters, expanding our understanding of the world and of humanity. Because every person’s experience is vastly different, this understanding can be expanded in both fiction and nonfiction accounts. Therefore, if books represent experiences of the Others, when the books are burned, the concept of the Other is burned, and only one experience and one mindset is adopted (like the mindset of the Nazis). When this happens, disaster strikes.

While we are striving to better the world and to increase the productivity of people through the development of technology, it is important for people to value the experiences of those around them and to understand people on a deeply human level. A focus on numbers and results removes this human aspect. When poet Mark Strand visited Brigham Young University, he was asked about the influence he had as a poet. He said that if our leaders took time to read poetry for an hour a day, our world would be significantly improved.  Reading allows people to think critically, and it also allows people to understand each other better and perhaps treat others with greater human compassion.

Night Skiing at Sundance Resort

Night Skiing at Sundance Resort

by Rachel Nielsen I have been living in Utah for three and a half years and have never been skiing. I had neglected the greatest snow on earth for three winters in a row. Can you believe it? As the snow started falling during my