Stance: Studies on the Family

Brigham Young University Student Journal

Tag: Wedding

Wedding Wednesday: Kid Questions

The excitement is building; I am officially counting down the days now. In a little over two weeks my fiancée and I are getting married in the Salt Lake Temple! He feels like it’s not coming soon enough, I feel like the time is whizzing by.

Today, instead of talking about wedding planning, I’d like to talk about something that I will have to start thinking about in the near future; when to have kids. My fiancée and I have only talked about it occasionally, and it was only the basic questions like: “how many kids do you want?” or “what should we name our kids?” We haven’t really talked about it seriously yet, but I imagine that time will be coming soon. It’s a question that all married couples have to face and eventually decide on.

A couple weeks ago, my cousin told my fiancée and I not to have kids until he had a secure job. At the time we just smiled and didn’t say anything, but I was inwardly upset. Not only was it not her place to say, but also in the LDS faith we are taught that having children is part of God’s plan, and that families are essential to our salvation. I have often heard from Church leaders that couples should not necessarily wait until they are financially secure to have children. I knew that my cousin had heard the same testimonies on the subject so I was confused as to why she would say that to us.

I had to take a step back and think about where my cousin was coming from. My cousin grew up in a home where her father came from a well-to-do family and was already secure in his job when he married her mom. Taking this step back, I could see her perspective and knew that she sincerely had our best interests at heart.

While my cousin’s advice was logical, it is not up to her, the rest of my family, nor my friends, or really anyone, to decide when my fiancée and me have children. The decision when to have kids and how many should be between the spouses and the Lord. When making this decision, and really any important decision, it is necessary to consult with each other and pray to the Lord about the decision. By doing this we invite the Lord to be a part of the marriage and have a hand in it.422661_433475463356702_1883829178_n

Just as we wouldn’t want to be judged, it is important not to be judgmental of other couples based on how many or how few kids they have. No one really understands their specific situation, only the Lord does. The Lord is the judge of mankind, not us. Many times it may be difficult for a couple to bear children, and it would be unfair to judge them. Remember, it is not anyone else’s business; it is solely between husband, wife, and the Lord.

I personally cannot wait to start a family and I am so ecstatic to be a mother. Families are essential to society, and most notably to the children that are brought into it.

By Bryn Adams

Wedding Wednesday: To Register or Not to Register?

The time just keeps flying by. I can’t believe it, but only a month from today I will be getting married! We have gotten a lot more wedding things done which is a huge relief. Just last week my fiancée and I sent out a majority of our invitations. Along with our invitations we had an insert card that said that we were registered at Target.

target couple

Image from here

So, last week we also went and registered at Target. I feel like today, registering at places like Target, Bed, Bath & Beyond, or Kohl’s has become common for bridal showers or weddings. Way back when (your parents can probably remember) no one registered and often times just asked for money. In a way I wish it were more like that today, because really all a new married couple needs is money, but it is seen as tacky asking for it nowadays. I would like to share my experience registering for Target and the pros and cons that happened and it might help you decide whether or not registering is for you.

To begin, registering was tiring. It might sound like a lot of fun running around a department store with a scanner gun, pointing at things on the shelves. I won’t lie; it was fun at the beginning, but eventually all our energy got sucked out of us. Walking around a big store like Target can get tiring and annoying, especially when you can’t find the aisle you need. Eventually it became a chore trying to find the barcode on each item to scan.

By the end, my body was tired from walking around so much and my scrawny pathetic arms were sore from holding the scanning gun, I just wanted to go home. It was fun at the beginning, but the phrase “shop till you drop” became more literal to me at that moment than ever before.

Secondly, we will most likely not get half of the things we registered for that night. I think I have only ever used a registry to buy someone a gift once in my life. It’s sad but true; probably more than half your guests won’t use your registry to find you a gift. Thankfully, you will still get things you need and there will be those people who will get you a gift card or just give you money. At this point in your life when you don’t have much, any gift is going to be of help. My dilemma was, however, if I probably won’t get 75% of the things I asked for on my registry was it even worth it? I would have been easier not to make one at all.

 

The last thing I learned on my registering adventure was actually a positive thing that might trump all the negativity of the situation. Going and registering made me more excited to be married to my best friend and it gave me a dose of reality. Making the list before the trip and deciding what we needed for our new lives together made me excited to have my own “home” (if you can call a college apartment home). I’m so excited to share a living space with my new companion and be able to decorate it how I want and have the items that I want. It also opened my eyes to what two people require to live comfortably and what may not necessarily be needed for a comfortable and humble beginning. It was an enlightening experience that will most definitely help us in the future.

Image from here

Image from here


I still haven’t decided whether or not having a registry was worth it. Maybe I will make up my mind after opening the presents and seeing what we got and what we still need. It still was an interesting experience and something I’m not sure I would want to pass up, but I leave it to you to decide.

By Bryn Adams

Wedding Wednesday: Picking the Perfect Dress

My name is Bryn Adams and about a month ago I got engaged to my best friend!

Over the last month, my fiancée and I got a lot of planning for the wedding done. One of the major things that happened two weeks ago was that I finally found my wedding dress! After searching for a while for the perfect dress, I believe that I have finally found the one. Through this dress shopping experience, I feel like I’ve learned a lot. So, allow me to share my newly gained wisdom with all you future brides.

wedding dress shopping

  1. Don’t feel pressured: Although the employees at bridal shops are usually helpful and nice, they want you to pick one of THEIR dresses. Bridal shops will tell you things in order to convince you to decide on a dress that day. However, don’t let them pressure you into a decision unless you’re sure about the dress. Check out other dress shops and pick the dress YOU want. Don’t let your friends or family members pressure you into a decision either. It’s your dress; you are the one who will be wearing it on your special day.
  2. Temple Appropriate: When picking out your wedding dress, you should consider the rules your temple has. Different temples have different requirements for dresses and you should look over them and know what is and is not appropriate. If you want to wear your wedding dress in the temple, then make sure it follows the guidelines. You could even talk to the matron of your temple to double-check. A word of advice, though—if you find a dress you love that is modest, but perhaps has too many sequins, or is ivory instead of white, don’t worry about it. Wearing a temple dress for your sealing is perfectly fine and may even make it more special. You will most likely wear that temple dress again when you go to the temple to do ordinances. Every time you wear it you will be reminded of that special day.
  3. The one that goes WOW: By wow, I mean pick the dress that makes you feel and look amazing. You’ll know when you find the one, your mom will start crying, and you won’t be able to stop smiling. There are a lot of pretty dresses out there, but pick the one that feels like a wedding dress, not just another prom dress that happens to be white. Picture yourself in the temple, in that dress, with your future husband staring back at you and you’ll know.

Just have fun! It’s not everyday that you get to try on tons of beautiful dresses and have people tell you how awesome you look. Good luck, I hope these tips come in handy.

 

Wedding Wednesday: Meet Bryn

My name is Bryn Adams. I am currently a junior at BYU, and…I just got ENGAGED!

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While being engaged has probably been one of the most exciting times in my life, it has also been the most stressful. Being a full-time student and planning a wedding is no easy task; it’s hard to find a balance between the two. While I wouldn’t say I’m an expert by any means, I have learned a few things in the past couple of weeks that I would like to share with any of you who are engaged at this moment or who hope to be in the near or distant future.

 

Tip #1: Start planning as soon as possible

Being engaged is an exciting, blissful moment and you should definitely revel in it. However, it’s important to start getting serious about planning the wedding as soon as possible. My fiancé and I immediately started calling businesses for consultations the day after he popped the question. It has only been two weeks and we already have the temple date set, the reception venue, the cake and food at the reception, decorations, and the honeymoon planned. Just this past week we took some engagement photos, and I’ve already gone dress shopping (with no luck yet). Thankfully, school has been put on the back burner only slightly. Planning a wedding isn’t something you want to procrastinate because it is stressful. The more you have out of the way beforehand, the less stressed you’ll be.

 

Tip #2: Use your family and friends’ talents

Everyone has that really artsy person or crazy micromanager in their family or circle of friends. I’m telling you that you will be grateful for your family and friends’ talents when it’s time to plan a wedding. They will be your lifesavers, stress savers, and money savers. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends or family to help you, in fact, many of them may even offer their talents to you. My cousin has always had a knack for art and wants to go into photography. She’s a pretty good photographer already and has an awesome camera to boot. I asked her if she would be willing to take my engagement and bridal photos, she was happy to help. Instead of paying a professional hundreds—maybe even thousands—of dollars to take our photos, we’re having my cousin do it for cheaper. When planning a wedding, your family and friends become your greatest assets. Oftentimes they’ll be more than happy to help.

 

Tip #3: Talk to your fiancé:

When it comes to weddings, it is usually the bride who has been dreaming and planning this day in her head since she was young. While planning your wedding, don’t leave your fiancé out of it, assuming that because he’s a guy, he wouldn’t be interested. Your soon-to-be-husband may have some good ideas that you never even thought of. Although he may not want to be involved with the whole thing, don’t leave him out. Ask him how involved he wants to be with the planning. Not only can your fiancé give ideas and advice, he can also be the one that keeps you sane. Tell him what your ideas are, what you’re stressed about, and what you want help with. Who knows, may he’ll surprise you with an awesome idea or give you comfort when you need it.

 

Though I feel like I’ve gotten a lot done in two weeks, there is still so much to do. I’m learning as I go, and I’m  grateful for all the help that I’ve been given by my friends and family, which I‘m sure I’ll need even more as the date draws closer. These tips have already helped me and I hope they’ll be helpful to others as well.