Mastering Dating Anxiety

Having been a member of the Provo, Utah population for nearly four years, I’ve had a firsthand witness of this college town’s dating environment. I’m here to tell you: it’s an anomaly wrapped in an enigma. People want to date, and yet it terrifies them (often with a crippling fear); they want to get married, but the very idea of marriage gives them nightmares. It’s a vicious, mind-numbing game of what to do and what to say and when and how.

I’ve kind of held on to my normalcy about the whole dating ordeal. While I do have my moments of fear and doubt, they are few and far between. I’m not a dating expert by any means, but keeping some things in mind when it comes to my dating life seems to keep me grounded. So, I thought I’d share a few of those things with you guys.

Dating is meant to be fun.
I know I mentioned this in my last dating post, but it still holds true two weeks later (and even after this post it will continue to hold true). Look at it this way…

Your typical Friday night is probably spent doing something with friends, whether that’s watching a movie, going out to dinner, or playing pranks on your other friends. Why does a date have to be any different? You’re spending time with a friend, getting to know them and having a great time while doing so. Maybe you end up having a fantastic time and that date turns into a second date, and then a third, and so forth. Maybe it doesn’t. Either way, your Friday night was spent having a great time with a great person. And if they were a not-so-great person, at least you have a good story on your hands, and possibly a person to prank next Friday night (don’t actually, though).

Rejection is a lame excuse.
indexMaybe there’s a less harsh way to say that, but I’ve always appreciated it when people just tell it like it is. Consider it a favor.

You—a wonderful person in your own right—do not need to fear rejection. It’s a part of life and is not just exclusive to dating. We are meant to learn and grow from it. If you ask a girl or a guy on a date and they say no, or they avoid you afterward, please don’t let it get to you too much. Honestly, they don’t deserve you. If they do not have the decency to give you a chance, or if they have given you that chance, but are not kind enough to let you know that they care about you and don’t want to commit the dishonest act of leading you on, please move on. It’s really that simple.

If you’re not confident enough yet to look at this situation in this light, then take on the mindset that that person has done you a favor. They have taken away an obstacle that is holding you back from meeting the person you’re actually supposed to end up with. I have a friend that often says, “Those who are married had to have a 99% failure rate before they found the one they married.” Keep that in mind when she doesn’t send you the post-date text you were expecting.

It’s all about your attitude.
If you want to date, just do it. That’s really what it boils down to. You gain nothing by complaining about it and everything by having a positive attitude about it—just like with anything else. You’re the one that’s in control of how your love life plays out, and that’s meant to be an exciting, enlightening experience, not a crippling one.

Get out there and make it happen, champ. You got this.

—Jazmin Cybulski, Stance



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