Marital Sex Communicator

When did you finally learn that a “pee-pee” was actually a penis? Or, when did you learn that women have a clitoris and what its true purpose is? Understanding sexuality is extremely important to having healthy sexuality and effective sexual communication throughout life, and especially with your future spouse. When sexual body parts are mislabeled or even excluded from being taught, it can lead children to grow up thinking their sexual organs and abilities are bad or inappropriate to discuss.

Just as talking about sexuality frankly, appropriately, and respectfully with children is important, it is equally important to discuss sexuality in this manner within your romantic relationship. Misconceptions about sex—men always want sex more than women, women don’t enjoy sex as much as men, etc.—can often lead to difficulty talking about each individual’s sexual needs, if they are being fulfilled, and how to better fulfill them.

In order to talk about sexuality, there needs to be trust within the relationship and healthy communication patterns. We must have trust that our partner will accept and understand our concerns or desires. Healthy communication patterns ensure a space to talk freely, where our spouse can understand or ask questions to understand. These emotional securities will open endless gateways to a more fulfilling relationship sexually.

Of course, it’s not all about sex. There is an emotional relationship, mental/intellectual relationship, and spiritual relationship along with the physical/sexual relationship. None of these relationships takes precedence or is more important over another one. They all add to the unity and true fulfillment we can have in our relationships. If the spiritual relationship is lacking attention, then of course give it some extra care. But, if the spiritual relationship is strong and the sexual relationship is lacking, then the sexual relationship needs some focus and investigation to find out why its weak and how to fix it.

There is so much more we could discuss on how to address and care for the sexual aspects of our marriages. These ideas and concepts we have discussed are only grazing the surface of the intricacies that go into the sexual aspects of a marital relationship, but are a wonderful place to start exploring. There are many helpful aids to educate people about this area of our lives. One book, among many, of research on this topic is Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carrol PhD, and Chelom Leavitt JD MS. It includes misconceptions about sexuality, common pitfalls, and explores the many parts that go into sexuality and how to integrate sexual wholeness into our lives as well as suggested solutions to help with issues you may be having. This is a beautiful, and fulfilling part of marriage. Don’t let it go unattended.