A Brigham Young University Student Journal
As I haven’t talked about the marriage part of these “Dating and Marriage” posts, I thought I’d contribute a little bit to that topic this week. Being in an environment where weddings have become a part of my weekend ritual, I’ve come to form a …
I grew up just a few houses down from our town cemetery. Both my great-grandparents are buried there, plus a few other relatives. My grandfather is in the American Legion. For the past eight or so years, he has organized the Memorial Day program in …
You’ve seen it at the grocery store—kid asks for candy, mom resists, kid throws a fit, mom gives in.
While this situation may be the reality for parents on some trying days, it’s helpful to understand what’s behind this childish behavior. You wouldn’t want to encourage such tantrums, would you?
A couple weeks ago, Steve Andersen, a behavior specialist from the Provo School District, visited one of my elementary education classes. I was surprised at how many simple, yet powerful tips he shared about behavior modification. I’ll impart some of his wisdom, with the hopes of applying these concepts in my own teaching and helping others do the same with their children.
Fundamentals behind behavior:
Think you’ve heard this before? Hang on, and read carefully: the difference between a peaceful and an out-of-control trip to the store—or the park, or church, or even time at home—may be in the details.
Behavior is learned
So, behavior is learned: we all know we are creatures of habit. We do the same things over and over—order the same entrée every time, take the same route home, tell the same cheesy jokes—because we can expect familiar consequences. (Note: in this context, “consequence” means the result of an action, whether positive, negative, or neutral.)
Children also learn what they can and can’t get away with. If they realize they can cause mayhem in order to get what they want—such as a lollipop or candy bar— they’ll keep doing it. Likewise, if they realize that parents will not give in when they fuss, they’ll stop doing it. That’s right, they’ll stop! But . . . how?
Behavior is purposeful
Since behavior is purposeful, children will realize that their tantrum didn’t obtain something—even if that something is just attention. (For example, in classrooms, many times the class clown just wants a laugh; he doesn’t intentionally try to drive the teacher bonkers. Watch this video to how one theorist would handle similar situations using logical consequences.)
If parents aren’t responding to their fits, children will also realize they can’t avoid or escape eating broccoli, doing chores, or working on homework. If a certain behavior does not cause an intended consequence, the child will try something different until it works, or they will eventually give up.
Giving up, not giving in
Eventually. That’s the part that can get exhausting for parents and teachers. The formal term for disciplining a child to “give up” a problem behavior is called extinction. Here’s what that means: if parents or teachers don’t “give in” to a problem behavior, then the behavior will go extinct—stop, dry up, die off.
Steve told us of a young mother he knew who was accustomed to giving in to everything her 2-year-old daughter wanted. Steve coached her through the extinction process. One night, the toddler begged to eat dessert first instead of dinner. When her mama said no, the baby girl shrieked and hollered and cried and whined—for almost two hours. The mother’s only task was to completely ignore her, which she successfully did.
When the whirlwind of emotions paused, the mom asked her to comply, and the tears started back up for another 30 minutes, but the mom ignored her again. This cycle continued until, shaking, the 2-year-old decided to surrender. She accepted the consequence. In the next few days following this pattern, she showed a huge improvement in her behavior.
So there you have it—a couple of wise tips and the flat-out reality of improving problematic behaviors. It may not be easy, especially when those wails at the grocery store are louder than police sirens, but Steve, the behavior specialist, insists that with time, the goal behavior will be learned.
—Leah Davis Christopher, Stance
Next week, I’ll describe how to use praise and punishments in discipline.
Video from YouTube. All images from flickr.com/creativecommons. “Crying Kid,” by Phil Dragash. Link to license. “ButDaddy,” by Bart. Link to license. “Up, Daddy!” by Donnie Ray Jones. Link to license.
I think as we get older a lot of us lose the intense sense of curiosity we had as children. (It really was a sort of sense with how natural it was.) That deep fascination with the world around us just kind of gets put …
Have you ever thought of a project, but you were too afraid to start? I have a seven-year-old niece who has probably created more things than most people do in their lifetimes. Once, she made a fish tank out of paper and even devised a …
I’m coming to the end of a one-block (seven-week) BYU class on special education for elementary school students. Not only have I learned more about various disabilities—cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, epilepsy, ADHD—I’ve also learned to see the great potential in children with special needs.
Before I took this class, I thought differently about teaching children with special needs. I was nervous to help students with learning disabilities, physical disabilities, and emotional disturbance—and to tell the truth, I thought that it would be difficult to include them in my general ed class with the other students.
In class, we shared thoughts on the question, what stops us from being open to learning from those with special needs?
Some eye-opening myths about disabilities we discussed include:
Throughout the class, my attitude changed and my bag of tricks grew. Guest speakers touched my heart when they expressed their own challenges or their work with individuals with disabilities. I cried more than once.
I learned many ways to accommodate for students with special needs—including ways to use materials, position the environment, instruct in various subjects, and provide behavior contracts. The LDS Church offers great guidelines on adapting lessons to help individuals with disabilities as well.
Volunteering with a student created the biggest adjustment in my thinking. Twice a week, I visited a local elementary school and worked with an upper-grade student during math. Although he was socially proficient—and even quite comical with his jokes—the academics side just did not come easily for him.
As I saw the difficulties this student faced in accessing the content and using the procedures that his peers caught onto so quickly, my heart went out to him. Frustration also came when I asked questions to help him understand or to encourage him to explain his thinking and we both ended up confused. Laughter helped us bond. I discovered that he thought really well about problems when we used real-life contexts, like candy or pizza or iPads or mountains. I’m not sure how much he gained from our interactions, but I gained a lot of insight.
Instead of dreading the responsibility of teaching individuals with disabilities, I’m looking forward to the opportunities. Building an inclusion classroom to help all students succeed is now my goal.
—Leah Davis Christopher, Stance
In my next post, read excellent tips for cracking the code behind misbehavior.
Having been a member of the Provo, Utah population for nearly four years, I’ve had a firsthand witness of this college town’s dating environment. I’m here to tell you: it’s an anomaly wrapped in an enigma. People want to date, and yet it terrifies them …
When I was in third grade, I started playing Jr. Jazz. I was pretty excited—I’d get a cool jersey (that fit like a dress), a trophy for participation (gold!), and treats after every game. Those were the things that initially motivated me to play. As …
One gem that seems to often be looked over in our community is the Provo City Library. It’s an incredible sight because of its beautiful architecture and rich history, but there is more to this historical site than just looks.
The library holds awesome functions and events for anyone and everyone. They have monthly events for kids and teens and also have authors come and give lectures for the adults who want a little more literature-speak in their lives. They also have an exercise class at least once a month.
This month their playing on the Valentine’s Day theme with a Valentine’s Ball on February 13 amongst their other fun activities. Make sure to check out their calendar here. There’s sure to be something for everyone in your family (I’m looking at that Tai Chi for Beginners class). I guarantee it.
—Jazmin Cybulski, Stance
More information for Provo Library events can be found here.
When kids write biographies, as I discussed in my last post, they engage in thinking of questions, asking them, and getting feedback. What is the power of asking questions? Think about it—you just spent a second feeling curious about the answer to this question, and …