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Get Insured: Build Relationships

Get Insured: Build Relationships

When I spoke in church on Sunday, and the phrase, “Marriage is the best self-help program,” spilled out of me, I realized how fixated with self-help I really am right now. Yes, as a 21-year-old, I’ve already started reading self-help books for fun. But I believe it’s 

Kids Find Connections in Writing Family Biographies 

Kids Find Connections in Writing Family Biographies 

After my posts about helping kids write in journals, I’ve had another writing activity for kids on my mind—writing family biographies. Last year, I wrote a biography on my great-grandfather, Rockwell Albert Davis. I hadn’t imagined the work it would require—interviewing family members, clicking through 

On Being a Bro: A Message to the Male Population

On Being a Bro: A Message to the Male Population

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Maybe it’s my own fault. I grew up with only my older brother as a playmate, causing most of my time to be spent digging up dirt and playing the latest video games. I mean, I still loved my Barbies and playing dress up, but I always thought I was exceptionally cool for being able to tell you that Zelda was actually the princess and not the main character (Link) or being able to keep up with a conversation about skateboard tricks or football. I thought my childhood love for Lord of the Rings and Star Wars (and eventually Harry Potter) would lead me into the hearts of all men everywhere when the time came for me to date.

Was I all kinds of wrong.

I didn’t realize how wrong I was until I started college and started thinking about marriage. I gained plenty of male friends as time went on and I have really always preferred their company to that of females since it’s what my home was made up of (with the exception of my wonderful mother, of course).

Having grown up with no sisters to teach me how to bat my eyelashes and the ways of girl world, I’m not sure I ever really learned the art of flirting in the traditional sense. Sarcasm and sass seem to have become my forte as I’ve grown up, but not everyone sees that as a form of flirtation. Despite these downfalls, I have lived with dreams of my male friends someday seeing me for the incredibly awesome, incredibly attractive girlfriend (and eventually wife) I could so obviously become for them.

That dream never came to fruition.

I’ve gone back and forth playing the blame game with the male population at one end of the ring and me at the other. I won’t share with you the juicy details of what tips I’ve come up with for myself, but I will give you some insight into how I feel the male population should understand the predicament.

The Friendzone has just as much gender equality as the world Emma Watson dreams of
There seems to be this stigma about the Friendzone being populated solely by males. I’m here to tell you that you males need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that there are a bunch of wonderful females in the same boat as you. Feeling sorry for yourself for a New York Minute is quite alright, but I would recommend dishing out the sorrow on your male friends’ laps and maybe on one female’s if she’s done the same to you. And that’s a big maybe. Believe it or not, the females you view as just friends may feel a little like the hypocrisy bug has set up camp in your noggin as you sit there gushing to them about how terrible it is to be viewed as just a friend.

Fun Fact: They happen to have some feelings about their own worth.

Instead of complaining to your single lady friends about just how heartbroken you are about Miss Perfect Hair finding her Mr. Perfect Hair and leaving you in the dust, just ask Miss Friendzoned on a date. She would really appreciate being looked at for the incredible girl that she is rather than just a punching bag you look for to release all your harnessed wrath upon. It doesn’t have to end in marriage and a baby in a baby carriage, but a night out with someone you care about and trust may be just the right way to get over Miss Perfect Hair without making Miss Friendzoned feel like anything less than the wonderful human that she is.

I am not your bro
This is one of the things that I’ve gone back and forth about when it comes to the blame game. Having grown up in a house where terms like bro and dude were part of the lexicon, I never second-guessed such terms hindering my future relationships. It’s only been within the past year that that second-guessing has made its way into my conscience. I actually remember the exact moment I realized how not okay it was for me to use these terms.

It was the beginning of a new semester and my roommate and I had just begun a friendship with a group of guys in our apartment complex. We ran into one of them one evening as we were walking back to our apartment when he stopped us and said hi. He had just returned home from a long day of school and work and was telling us about it. Each sentence began with phrases like, “It’s crazy, dude” and “Bro, you have no idea.” Before this point, I was somewhat aware of my calling people dude and the like and had made the effort to not use such terms. I actually know for a fact that I had never used any terms like that around this particular male, and yet, I was still marked as “one of the guys,” even though I’m clearly not a guy.

Maybe men use these terms in an effort to make me (a woman) feel comfortable around them, or maybe it’s just a blatant way of putting me in the aforementioned Friendzone (which is just rude). But whether you have romantic feelings for a girl or not, she never should be treated as a bro, because she is, in fact, a lady.

I know that there are a lot of women out there that don’t take issue with this one. So, we’ll just deems this a personal preference.

Dating is meant to be fun
It may be just a theory embedded into the conscience of the males within my university, but asking someone on a date does not mean that you have to marry them in the end. While marriage is a fantastic, wonderful thing that we should all be striving for, dating is also a fantastic, wonderful thing that does not require the symptom of intense anxiety which so many seem to allow to spread within them. It is meant to be a time to get to know another person—including your friends. It is a time to get to know yourself. Most importantly, it’s a time to figure out what exactly it is that you want in a future spouse, even if that future spouse is not the one you’re mini golfing with.

Friends make the best spouses
I think males and females often forget that the person you’re supposed to marry is going to be your best friend for forever, and with forgetting that, we forget that we may already have that best friend within our friend circle. Your spouse is someone you’re supposed to be a million percent comfortable with and it seems a lot of us fail to realize that we already feel completely comfortable with the friends of the opposite sex that we already have in our lives. It’s fine and brave to look outside your friend circle for that special someone, but it’s also a lot of effort that you could be spending on wooing your already best friend.

So, while I’m still waiting on my prince to come that sees my nerdiness as adorableness, I’m going to do so with the clear conscience that I’ve at least helped some guy somewhere realize that that lady friend of his is not actually Miss Friendzone, but Miss Wonderful Soul. And, let’s face it, she’s so much better than Miss Perfect Hair.

—Jazmin Cybulski, Stance

Empowered By His Love

Empowered By His Love

“How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved.” —Sigmund Freud Think about a time when you knew that you were loved. When someone makes the effort to put you first, you can be sure you are loved. You feel more courage and 

Dives and Dads

Dives and Dads

  Last January, I was playing volleyball in the Richards Building. I leaped to block a player with a particularly pernicious swing, but as I came down (with not even a touch of the ball, darn it!), I landed, not on the hard wooden court, 

Help Kids Build Faith through Journal Writing

Help Kids Build Faith through Journal Writing

Children can learn to write and draw about their testimonies.
Children can learn to write and draw about their testimonies.

In my last post, I wrote about how teachers can help students get excited about practicing writing in personal journals.

Parents of young children can do the same, but for a different purpose—writing in their journals can help kids increase in faith and gratitude. Check out the following ideas to tune kids in to the spiritual benefits of keeping a journal:

  1. Look to the scriptures for models. Just as Paul in the New Testament and Nephi in the Book of Mormon kept records of their lives and teachings, kids can keep records of what is happening to them. As you help them get started, remind them that they are following the examples of scripture heroes! See how one kid did so for his little brother.
  2. Hold a family home evening on the purpose of journals. The Church offers a whole FHE outline on journals. See what will work for your family situation.
  3. Read together about other kids who keep journals. Find out how other children around the world enjoy writing or even just drawing pictures about their lives.
  4. Brainstorm different angles to take. The New Era magazine suggests ideas for journal entries such as telling stories about a pet or recording family traditions. In my own life, I found that by recording special events such as my baptism and chances to teach or give talks at church, I could later look back and see how my testimony had grown!

    One example of a fill-in journal page by the Friend magazine.
    One example of a fill-in journal page by the Friend magazine.
  5. Start with a template if needed. The Friend magazine in 2002 created journal pages for children to fill in. Check out the pages on setting goals to be like Jesus Christ, reflecting on spiritual growth in the past year, and even just writing a personality and preferences profile.

Writing is a skill that will help kids prepare for the future not only temporally but spiritually. As kids keep journals, they will develop more appreciation for the blessings in their lives and see their own spiritual growth.

—Leah Christopher, Stance

 

Images credited to lds.org

Provo City Center Temple

Provo City Center Temple

If you’re in the Provo area, the place to see these days seems to be the new Provo City Center temple. Constructed from the structure of the old tabernacle, the City Center temple holds an incredible wealth of history and seems to have the prospect 

Labor and Delivery Hospital Tour

Labor and Delivery Hospital Tour

“Visiting the place where you’re planning to give birth well before you deliver can help relieve some pre-birth anxiety and make your birthing more enjoyable.” —What to Expect I have to agree with the above quote. My husband and I finally took our hospital tour 

Making Friends with Stress

Making Friends with Stress

ache-19005_1920Are you stressed yet this semester? Are you stressed because you think you will be stressed this semester? Am I stressing you out?

Whether or not you’re experiencing it at this moment, stress is something we’ll all have to face over and over again in our lives, and if we don’t know how to deal with it, it can be almost crippling.

Personally, stress grips me in the presence of homework, tests, big talks, small talk, finances, papers that need organizing, anything that needs organizing (Don’t even get me started on my closet. Yikes!), and dirty dishes. These things terrify me. And that’s OK. In fact, I’ve realized in my early adult years that most of my fears are normal (although, I have yet to find someone else who’s as terrified of blue whales as I am).

It’s not what we’re afraid of that matters. We can’t permanently prevent events, situations, and obligations that cause us stress. Most of the time, we can’t even prevent the stress response! We can, however, choose how we think about stress and how we act on it.

I’m not going to go over all of the scientific details about how we can change our stress thought process, but I strongly encourage watching this life-changing Ted talk right here by Kelly McGonigal. It’s called, “How to Make Stress Your Friend.”

McGonigal’s research on stress delves into life expectancy and the biology of courage. But what interested me the most was her findings about oxytocin—the “cuddle hormone.” When we feel stressed, our pituitary gland secretes this hormone and causes us to seek support. Being able to talk to people about our troubles doesn’t just help us mentally and emotionally; to our hearts, it’s also physically healing.

So, the next time your heart starts beating fast, and you think you can’t meet the challenge, tell a loved one. Support a loved one. Make a friend, and make friends with stress.

—Sophia Parry

Riting is Grate—Kids Test Out Writing through Journals

Riting is Grate—Kids Test Out Writing through Journals

Kids in the early grades are learning to express themselves in a foreign language—writing. One way to help kids get better at writing—whether you’re a teacher or a parent—is by helping them keep a journal. Not only will students love writing about their favorite subject—themselves—they just