A Brigham Young University Student Journal
By Phyllis Rosen Before writing this last article on parenting, I want to state something for the record: I HAVE SIX WONDERFUL CHILDREN! But I didn’t always know that. There were times during their upbringing when I wasn’t convinced they were all that …
After coming from a city where righteous, kind, ambitious, loving young men were few and far between, I can understand the appeal of dating in Provo, where that is not the case. There are so many practically perfect men that cross your path every day, …
Suppose Queen Elizabeth showed up unexpectedly at your home. How would you respond?
A) Invite her in but continue to watch your Netflix. (only ten minutes left!)
B) Invite her in, talk to her, but at the same time post her picture to your Instagram.
C) Invite her in, make small talk while texting your friends to tell them about her!
D) Invite her in, sit and visit without any devices.
If you had trouble picking D, it might be time for digital counseling. Most adults would never treat a guest with such poor manners. But we seem to forget that our children should also be treated with good manners. In today’s world, many people (parents) have trouble putting away their devices and living in the moment.
Children deserve our full attention. Babies learn how to communicate by watching their parents faces. They observe normal reactions: smiles, frowns, laughter, crying, etc. These non-verbal cues help them learn the meaning of words and actions. Language skills are linked to thinking ability, social relationships, and reading and writing. In other words, the future success of your child depends greatly on their developing good language skills. And that depends on you being in the moment with the child—looking the child in the eye and talking directly to him or her.
Although electronic devices are responsible for much of the distraction parents have while parenting, they are not the only problem. Work, church callings, desire to play (gaming, sports), and even household chores can cause parents to miss wonderful interaction opportunities.
Think play time. Children learn valuable social skills through face-to-face games. Playing games together helps children learn turn-taking, develop motor skills, and acquire conversational skills. Participating in these games requires hands-on for both parents and children.
But even more important than developing skills, children learn what’s most important to YOU by watching where you spend your time and your attention. If you are always on your phone, they quickly learn that that’s what you care about the most. No matter how much you TELL a child “you are important,” a child senses by your actions whether you really mean that or not.
When I was writing parenting tip #8—Play with your kids, I asked my daughter if she remembers playing together. Her answer caught me by surprise. She told me that every time she came and asked me to play with her, I did. Now, not for one minute do I think that is 100% true. I’m sure there were many times when I was too busy to “be in the moment”. But at the same time, it must be true that I stopped whatever I was doing often enough that her perception was that I always took the time to play.
Children grow up. The day will come when the house is empty of children and you have all the time in the world to clean, work, or surf the web. But you cannot recapture the time to get down, look your child in the eye, and listen to his or her heart. Make a commitment now to be in the moment.
For those of you attached to your phones, here are some practical ideas on how to have some device free time:
1. Have certain times during the day when you do NOT access your phone except to answer calls (screen the calls, answer only important ones). This means you are not looking at emails, Instagram, texting, etc.
2. Teach your children about phone-free times. Church, meal time, driving, movies, when company comes for short visits, bedtime, etc.
3. Choose to have device-free outings. When you take your child to the zoo, to the park, etc. decide to put your phone away and just enjoy the interaction. Watch their faces as they discover new adventures and experience the world. Be in the adventure, not posting about the adventure.
Remember, the things you love the most—think children—deserve the most time.
A recent study quantified the economic impact of religious institutions and religion-related businesses throughout the U.S. The study, entitled “The Socio-economic Contribution of Religion to American Society: An Empirical Analysis,” is the first of its kind and was conducted by Brian Grim of Georgetown University and …
No one wants to admit being wrong, and certainly no parent wants to remember the times when his or her parenting was less than stellar. As parents we try hard to make good choices, but unfortunately, there comes a day when you get it wrong. …
Many of you know the saying: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
This is true for parenting!! All work and no play makes for very boring parents.
Relax a little and take the time to really have fun with your children. By playing with your kids, they come to realize that you are a person; you have a sense of humor; you enjoy specific activities, you are good at certain activities; and you have a side to you that does not involve bossing them around.
So how do you play with your kids? It’s different at various stages of their lives.
Here’s some of my favorite play moments:
From chopped competitions to four wheel rides with dad, our family always loved to be together and play together.
The truth is that it doesn’t matter what you do. It just matters that you take the time to have fun experiences together.
Last year my son and his wife and two children moved back to this area because of a job loss. He was in the process of interviewing but he had a lot of time on his hands. Many afternoons he called me and asked, “Mom, do you want to go on a bike ride?” I usually had a long list of projects I wanted to get through, but I thought to myself, how many times will I have this opportunity to go on bike rides with my son and his family? So, I agreed to go every single time! I look back now at those three months and consider them magical.
It’s never too late to start playing. Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy your children. I’m not suggesting that we abandon our responsibilities in favor of playing the days away. But I am saying that the dishes can wait, the floor can be swept tomorrow, the laundry can be folded later. Our children, on the other hand, will grow up and leave home, whether we are ready or not. Taking the time to enjoy life together now will enable you to have delightful relationships (friendships) with your kids when they are adults.
So, what are you waiting for???? GO PLAY!!!!
Written by Phyllis Rosen
Of all the things I did as a parent, teaching my children about Jesus Christ is the one area in which I wish I’d done more. Don’t get me wrong. I did many things to teach my kids about Jesus Christ and the role He …
Teach Your Children to Work Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work we go… In Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the dwarfs sing cheerfully with their shovels in hand as they march off to work in the mines. This probably is not the way your …
The Thanksgiving holiday is a time to express thanks for the many blessings we have been given. A time to pause, reflect, and notice blessings that we may not otherwise recognize. A time to express our love for our Savior and our Heavenly Father, for truly “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father” (James 1:17).
But how can we even begin to express our gratitude to them? King Benjamin puts into words the feelings we may experience as we reflect on our indebtedness to the Father and the Son:
“I say unto that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants” (Mosiah 2:20-21).
Because they bless us with so much, we love them. And as “unprofitable” as we may feel, there are still ways we can express that love and gratitude for our God-given blessings. In John 14, the Savior teaches His apostles a profound lesson about the way they, and we, can show our love to Him and the Father.
He says, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” In three words, the Savior Himself gives us the simple formula for expressing gratitude: “Keep my commandments.” It is a phrase so often repeated and even sung in the church, but do we really stop to think about the significance behind it? What does it mean to truly keep His commandments?
In the Oxford Dictionary “keep” is defined as to “have or retain possession of,” “continue doing or do repeatedly,” “retain one’s place in spite of difficulty,” “continue to follow a path or course,” and “guard, protect.” In past times, the word “keep” was used to describe “the strongest or central tower of a castle, acting as a final refuge.”
These definitions may help us understand the plea the Savior was making when he asked his apostles to keep His commandments. Not only does he want us to obey them, He wants us to stay true to them, continually keep them despite difficulty, guard them, and protect them. And as we keep them, they can become a “refuge” for us. If we continue on in the account in John, the Savior further explains how this can happen:
“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”
We learn another great lesson about gratitude from these words. The Savior doesn’t always promise that our burdens will be taken away, or that our prayers will be answered in the way we may hope. What He does promise is that he will send us the Comforter- He will not leave us comfortless. He will come to us. As one who sees us and our circumstances with a much greater perspective than our own, we can trust that He knows what is best.
As we celebrate this time of year, seeking to count our blessings and express our love for the Savior, let us remember that the Savior has taught us to express our love to Him in ways far more significant than just words. He asks us to keep. Keep His commandments, keep our covenants, keep the faith. And as we “keep,” he promises to bless us with the ultimate gift- the Comforter, which enables us to feel as if we are constantly in His presence.
Again in the words of King Benjamin, “he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever.” (Mosiah 2:24). Let us love Him. Let us keep His commandments.
Written by Amanda Brower
I’d personally love to tell you all about how great all my relationships have been going and what the biggest successes and positive signs are . . . and I’ll still be glad to share. However, I’m coming from a unique perspective at this time. …