The Influence of a Dad
Many years ago, when my oldest son, Kevin, was a little boy, I used to tell him over and over that his daddy was a really good man. One day we were looking at the Ensign, at the picture of the general authorities. I said, …
A Brigham Young University Student Journal
Many years ago, when my oldest son, Kevin, was a little boy, I used to tell him over and over that his daddy was a really good man. One day we were looking at the Ensign, at the picture of the general authorities. I said, …
Why did I take this class? It was a question I hadn’t stopped asking myself for the previous 48 hours. I asked it when I lay shivering in my soaked sleeping bag, when I stood in dripping wet clothes as snow came down in large …
Intelligence has been humorously defined as an adjective used to describe people that agree with oneself. The wisdom in that joke is very applicable to this entry in our marriage series: our perception of perfection will be based on our imperfect understanding of the world and our desires. With that in mind, before we seek to improve all the weaknesses of our spouses as though on a religious crusade, it is good to remember to keep our own imperfections in check in the following ways:
Realize that weaknesses are often closely linked with strengths.
If your spouse is someone who really sticks to something, you may find in her or him stubbornness, or you may find dedication. If your spouse is someone that shows little emotion, a possible word to describe that attribute would be, well, emotionless—but if you analyze that attribute you may see that calm would be a better description. As such, be grateful for what your spouse contributes to your marriage and find out how to work as a team despite the difficulties that may be associated with his or her strength.
Don’t be unrealistic in your expectations.
Perfection should be defined according to one’s capabilities and efforts rather than against an unrealistic standard. One unrealistic standard is expecting to have at the beginning of your marriage everything your parents have after years of marriage. It is likely that the only way you could have all the tools, toys, and luxuries they have would be to go into considerable debt, which is not a good financial decision. You may not even have enough extra cash for more than a monthly ice-cream cone, as my parents did when they started out.
See what is really important.
You may be bothered by little imperfections every now and then. When this happens, consider if they are really important. If not, move on with life. If they are important to you specifically, communicate about that need and see what you can work out together. For example, if you can’t live with your spouse’s bad breath, you might be able to keep mints on hand. And if he or she doesn’t like mints, maybe you can take a toothbrush and toothpaste everywhere. Whatever the specific circumstance, you can work through it, as long as you do it together.
In summary, dealing with the imperfections of our significant other is likely to require dealing with our own inability to judge perfectly and doing whatever is necessary to improve that judgment as much as we can. This might not be an easy task, but with that special someone that committed specifically to be with you in the good times and the bad, it should work out.
If you’ve ever started a fire with flint and steel, then you know how frustrating it can be—or at least, it frustrated me. There I was with my small steel striker, charred cloth, and the only rock I could find in the wild that barely …
We all love General Conference. We love the spirituality, the stories, the songs. But we also love a little good clean humor. Here are a few of the funniest memes and tweets that came out of the April 2017 General Conference. For more Conference memes …
I remember the first time I saw the commercial for the Mutual dating app. It was hilarious! I mean, it had Stacey Harkey in it so can you really go wrong? But that was mostly it. I was familiar with Tinder and its reputation and wasn’t about to embrace that or “sink to that level.” That included online dating sites and dating apps in general. Sure, I get that there are happily married people out there that met on Tinder, and that is wonderful for them. One of my roommates met her husband through Tinder, and that was great for her! However, I was convinced that dating apps and online dating would be, for me, a last resort.
Yes, I know, right? But, before you start to think that I only did it because I’ve finally reached that “last resort,” let me explain myself:
We live in the 21st century. Now, if that is news to you, then go back to your knitting and watching Murder She Wrote and disregard the rest of my thought dump. If living in a college town has taught me anything, it’s that dating needs to be redefined. Maybe I’m just not that girl that gets asked out every weekend, but in my experience, dates are few and far between. Then, to add to the trouble, there are all these stigmas. People don’t date in the ward because, as they say, you don’t want to “pee in the pool.” People don’t ask out fellow classmates on dates either because if it goes south then you still have class together. People also don’t ask random people on campus out on dates because it’s usually seen as weird (except for my old roommate who got asked out by a random guy on campus and is now happily married to him—shout out to Jane and Nate!) But seriously, that doesn’t usually happen. Okay, so the ward is out of bounds; the classmates are out of bounds; and the general human being on campus is out of bounds. So…how do you meet people?
But there’s more. Excusing the fact that today it seems to be more acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out, I’m a traditionalist, so we are going to make pretend that guys man up and ask the girls out. Guys traditionally have the advantage: they can look at a group of girls and narrow it down to which they are attracted to, and then ask one of the them out on a date to see if they are also attracted to her personality. That’s a much easier scenario than how we girls simply succumb to whomever asks us out! Then, if we aren’t attracted to the guy at all, we have to play the “bad guy” and let them down. I guess this is where online dating sites and dating apps come into play.
Dating has changed and so, I must change with it. Maybe that means I will eventually feel comfortable with asking a guy out on a date; or maybe that means I will cave and get Mutual (oh wait, I did). But I have learned that I can’t pass judgment. I thought dating apps were ridiculous! (I guess I still have a little bit of that still going through my head as I swipe through profiles.) However, I have realized that it is just another way to meet people. And considering that any other aspect of college life doesn’t often result in anything, I figured it could be a good place to start.
I’ve met this really great guy on Mutual and we have been talking. I don’t know if anything will come of it, but maybe something will. Right now we are just trying to see if, well, if things are Mutual.
Disclaimer: I am not an artistic person. I was the kind of person who threw away their graded art projects during my high school art class. Okay, now that we have established my lack of artistic ability, let’s get started! What is bullet journaling? As …
Getting married is hopefully the best decision you’ve ever made, but like any major life change, it comes with a lot of transitions. Even if you come from the same religious background, it is likely that you and your spouse will have some …